I was reading in the park and all was well until my phone rang. I picked it up. The person on the other side spoke in a very quiet voice and spoke of a letter. I told them they had the wrong number but they insisted about the importance of this letter. So I replied telling them that I wasn’t the person they were looking for but they said that I was the key to the magnet. I looked at my phone with my eyebrows arched and wide – eyes. Â This was the strangest phone call I ever had and it turned out to be the very thing that turned my life upside down like a turtle lying on its back.
October 15, 2014 at 5:29 pm
Hello Sky,
This begins well, I like the premise of a mysterious phone call that causes confusion. It has excellent potential as a fiction trigger.
Targets:
– Explore the symbolic qualities of the images more, you have begun to do this with the key and the magnet, but I know you can amplify this.
– your attempt to describe the facial expression rather than label the emotion doesn’t quite fit here. How might you make it sound more subtle?