Richard Parker -> tiger -> animal -> beast -> vicious -> dangerous
I was swimming for my life. I’m not quite sure what had happened but I remember the water flooding into the ship and breaking my cage open. I was drenched and terrified. I looked for an exit but only found the hole which the water was gushing through;I held my breath and sprinted out. To my surprise, a huge wave crashed down on me as I leapt through the hole in the wall. This had never happened to me before. As I recovered from the wave, I just sprinted through obstacles until I came to a dead end. It was the same as the hole in the wall before but the hole wasn’t there. I took a step back and sprinted towards the door. But, as soon as I hit the door, I blacked out.
I awoke and found more water flooding into the ship. I looked ahead and found that the hole in the wall was open again. I leapt out of the hallway and onto the outside of the big metal log. The metal log was sliding from side to side and I couldn’t get a grip onto anything. I was thinking irrationally and jumped straight off the side.The water was cold around my body and I was frozen in place by shock. All I could hear was the loud, metallic screech of the big metal log disappearing under the sea. Suddenly, I saw a little object in the distance floating in the sea. I made my way for it. As I got closer, I saw an outline of a human standing on the object as if it were calling out to me.
March 5, 2014 at 12:12 am
Hello Sky,
You have clearly thought about this scene and tried to use dramatic verbs to describe the atmosphere of the sinking ship. Your use of complex sentence structures helps to develop your ideas and the tension is broken by your short sentences.
Target: Re-read the last few sentences of your first paragraph – count how many times you have used the words: door, sprinted and hole. How might you vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Did you write a plan?
March 12, 2014 at 5:11 pm
I find that writing plans make my creative writing tasks seem very typical and tedious so for this task I went for improvisation as it keeps my mind running to think about what is to happen next.
April 7, 2014 at 10:29 pm
Hello,
Even a basic plan will help to improve your structure. Failing this, why not edit your work when finished? I’m sure you can re-arrange your work when you’re done to be sure your meaning and flow compliment each other.
Thanks,
Mr North